The spark

It hasn’t been a successful yoga week.

And tonight I am not so forgiving of myself. 

YES, my life is full; YES, I have been damaged; YES, I no longer have the zest and exuberance of youth; BUT if I were really committed to a regular yoga/spiritual practise, I’d get up at 5am each morning when mind and body are fresh, because there are too many variables in the evening that I can use for self sabotage.

Tonight, after a physical working day with lots of lifting, I showered and fronted up to my mat. 

Dog Pose, Uttanasana, a few gentle stretches.

I was surprised by the heaviness of my body and lack of energy.

Breath seemed shallow and insipid, prana weak.

Perhaps I could have changed my thoughts, refused to listen to the excuses, pepped myself up with motivational self talk, turned the situation around.

I’ll never know.

Instead I took the therapeutic Iyengar path (do what your body needs):

I start with a 20 breath Headstand, then moved into a twisted spinal Headstand.

20 breaths in Shoulderstand, Halasana, and Karna Pindasana. 

These inversions are pure gold.

I then fell asleep on my mat.

Memories of tough, early morning ashtanga practices haunt me.

The yoga burned into my body and psyche, a transformational fire, a sacred and devotional practice performed in the quiet early hours on a pure, blank canvas.

Fast forward 6 years and I am now a bit lazy, a bit mediochre, drowning out pain and discomfort with the superficial buzz of daily activities.  Seeking solace through disconnection.

I have been avoiding thoughts about realising my full human potential.

I have not been working on purifying my mind.

I have not been living with raw authenticity. 

Owning up to this, a spark has ignited inside.

Tomorrow I will get up at 5.30am.

And step back onto my mat in the quiet early hours.

Two thirds Ashtanga, one third Iyengar

Since returning with great commitment to a regular yoga practice about 6 weeks ago, I've become aware of how much ‘life gets in the way of yoga practice’.

Of course this is ridiculous, because the reason we practice is to help us become more present and accepting of whatever arises, to remain awake, aware and centred through each moment of each day.  

Life IS practice.

For me, working long hours, often with early starts, makes a regular morning practice difficult.  Damage from past trauma makes it even harder to spring out of bed and into the day. Work extends into early evenings quite often and other evenings are taken up with helping my son.  Weekends come and go in a blur of back to back commitments.

Yoga practice sits like a little jewel sparkling in the distance.

When I get to practice, it is no longer a discipline, or an attachment, or even a spiritual communion, but simply a challenge and a joy.

This morning’s practice was short and, knowing I won’t fit in another yoga practice until Friday evening, I step back onto the mat tonight.

Starting with the sun salutes as I normally do, I move fluidly with the breath, no stopping in Dog Pose.  5 As and 3 Bs.

I follow the Primary sequence through all the standing poses with rhythmic Ujjayi breathing and a firm focus on Mula bandha.

My chest shows no sign of infection or heaviness tonight.

Ardha Baddha Padma Padmottanasana is the only hiccup in the flow.  The second side is persistently painful, but strangely, as stand upright, holding the left leg in Padmasana for 5 breaths, the hip begins to release and my knee moves down in it’s own time.  Resistance in the left hip succumbs and the bone moves out of the way, but only when I wait patiently.  I breathe deeply through the fear.

After Virabhadrasana ll, I do a long Handstand against the wall, then shift gears and quieten the practice down for the second half.  

Dandasana to Marichy A, with no vinyasas.  I stay seated, holding each pose for 5 very long, slow breaths, and connecting to the flow of prana.  This has become a seriously quiet Iyengar style practice.

After Marichy A…backbends. 

Not through choice – but through the tapas of necessity.  I am determined to break down the hard crystals that now live in my upper back and shoulders.  When the body relinquishes long held tension, a corresponding opening occurs in the mind.  Bit by bit, we can become more open, more giving, more loving, more free through this practice.

I lay over a block for a few minutes, hands interlocked behind my head to increase the chest opening.  Then Ustrasana.  Then Urdhva Dhanurasana.  I don’t want to do this pose, but I do…three times, and each time is a little less difficult than the last.

My practice finishes with the full Ashtanga Primary sequence of inversions, from Shoulderstand through to Baddha Padmasana.

I am loving my yoga practice again.

Practice cut short

6.30am and I’m on the mat.  Another breakthrough is just being here.

The sky is overcast, a little drizzle has fallen.

Birds are singing joyously and a solitary a kookaburra lets out a laugh upon my rooftop.

Feeling my way gently into the sun salutes... body is not too stiff… mind is bright and focussed.  I am moving joyously.

Soon my lungs begin to feel heavy and thick and I notice they won’t accommodate a full breath.  I have to stop short.

Perhaps the flu virus has taken up residence in my chest.  My son had the flu last week and I spent three days caring for him.

My immune system is strong but as I move through the sun salutes with a quiet attention, I feel the presence of the dormant virus now.

By the time I get to Prasaritta Padottanasana, my energy has dissipated. 

I sit down, resigned, and huddle close to the heater. 

The air has a chill.

An inner sense guides me into Shoulderstand, then Halasana, these poses stimulating points in my upper back, behind the heavy chest – I wonder if this acupressure helps deter the infection?

Although practice is short, I am happy to have risen early and done a few poses this morning.

Replace dinner with yoga

Nearly 12 hours of work today.  Not much time left for yoga.

But after finishing work at 7.30pm tonight, I chose yoga over dinner.

Intention: to do at least 5 poses, holding each for 10 long breaths.

It was an easy goal and I had no particular poses in mind, but figured they’d be forward bends….a quiet internally-focussed forward bend practice to ease tension out of my body and mind and create an envelope of peace.  Sounded attractive.

Very different to my Wednesday practice.

A journal of my journeying tonight:

Supta Virasana over a bolster (10 breaths)

Forward Virasana (10 breaths) – Around the third breath I felt impatience arise.  This pose is easy, move on, I heard.  I stayed for 10 breaths.  Humility blossomed.

Prasaritta Padottanasana with hands behind my back in reverse Namaste (10 breaths).  Magic inversion, chest cavity relaxed.

Parighasana – sprung from nowhere, or somewhere deep in the archives - 5 breaths each side with upper arm vertical, fascinating, then 5 breaths each side again in an attempt at the full pose.  Barely able to bend over without some rotation of the hips.  Side stretch very satisfying.

Maha Mudra – full pose, all 3 bandhas fully engaged at the end of the inhalation and held strongly until the end of the exhale. 10 long, slow, Ujjiya breaths.

Paschimottanasana (10 breaths)

Supta Baddha Konasana (10 breaths)

Bhujangasana (5 breaths) moving into Upward Dog (5 breaths)

Ustrasana (10 breaths) interesting to hold it this long

Hanumanasana – 5 breaths each side

Supta Padangusthasana (10 breaths)

Jatara (forgotten the full name) 10 breaths each side.  This was the spinal twist my body needed to do tonight - deeply directed acupressure from inner lumbar to outer cervical area, much more effective than a seated twist.

Shoulderstand (10 breaths)

Halasana (10 breaths)

Then the long slow-motion descent out of Halasana which took 14 breaths.

Seated cross legged twist (10 breaths each side)

Seated cross legged forward bend (10 breaths)

The intention of doing at least 5 poses was far exceeded.  It helps to start with an easy goal.  This is like the bottom rungs of a ladder. I can then step onto the mat without expectations and let the creative force lead the practice along.  

Instead of Savasana, I set up for a supported Setu Bandha with a bolster down the length of my spine, feet on a high cushion and shoulders on the floor.  

Fell immediately into a deep unconscious sleep. 

Woke up 15 minutes later with Buffy asleep on my shins.

Earlier on in tonight’s practice I couldn’t resist taking a photo of her – she was doing her restorative inversions too.

Finished practice at 9.15pm.  Missing dinner is not an issue - my digestive system gets a rest - I miss dinner quite regularly, more often through complete physical exhaustion (from labouring work) than choice.

Replacing dinner with yoga was a deliberate choice, an act of loving renunciation.  

No yoga today

Thursday 3 September 2015

Left home at 7.20am.

Arrived back home at 10.30pm

No yoga today.