9 July 2007

Thursday 5th July 2007

Although I’ve been journaling a lot over the last couple of weeks (that means either sitting in cafes or lying in bed and scribbling thoughts onto random bits of paper) nothing’s actually been posted. I just haven’t had the time to edit out the crappy bits translate the rest of gibberish into real language and type it up.

Probably a good thing…especially after re-reading the depressing collection of sob stories written over the last week or two. Not the best start to a new weblog.

But the depressing clouds are clearing and a few rays of sunshine are illuminating the way out of the darkness.

Two weeks just went by without even one yoga practice, NOT EVEN A STRETCH, but this morning I WANTED to practice. Wanting to practice is a sign that my mindstate is improving, it’s becoming more positive, and that’s what I mean by the sunshine.
A positive outlook is really empowering – It allows me to take full responsibility for my situation and become pro-active about where I’m going, and that strong feeling was evident in the practice this morning.
After two weeks you’d think my body would be stiff and slow, but surprise, surprise…it actually felt strong, supple and energetic during the practice. My mindstate was similar (no surprise) - I was willing to address all the mental, emotional and physical blocks that arose in the 2 hour session on the mat with an attitude of softness and strength. Like, bring it all on, let me look at what’s going on here and I’ll enjoy dealing whatever comes up.
So at the pre-arranged time of 6.15am, my mind and my body met on the mat, reacquainting like long lost lovers. Having a break from practice is really not a bad thing. It’s not the end of the earth like you always think it is. Practice returns, and when it does, the reunion is sweet as sweet.

I went to a small local Library after work one night last night not expecting to find anything new or worth borrowing. The unexpected gem I found on my last visit 6 weeks ago was a book called Essence and The Elixir of Enlightenment by A.H.Almaas. I had to extend the loan period twice because I needed to read the book over and over. Reluctantly I returned it last week, and what did I find on the shelf to replace it? A later work by the same author, “The Pearl Beyond Price”, a book that reads more like a university textbook on psychology, so there’s some deliciously rich reading to swim around in over the next few weeks.

Other books I borrowed last week…
1. “Raw Food Real World” by Matthew Kenney and Sarma Melngailis
2. “Eucalyptus Oil – Australia’s Natural Wonder” by Peter and Tegan Abbott
3. “The Secret of Shambhala” by James Redfield (on second view, I probably won’t read this one, but flick through it picking up a paragraph here and there)
4. “Painfullly Shy: how to overcome social anxiety and reclaim your life” - This one was more to help me understand my son and what I might do to help him, but I suspect it will shed light on my own obsession with seclusion)
5. “Happiness is a Serious Problem” by Dennis Prager – couldn’t go past that title, but I’m not sure of the content yet.

The raw food book has been very inspiring already, especially the sexy, sassy images of the couple who wrote it (ex-couple now, I believe).
Sarma’s model pretty image-with-attitude is quite appealing on the surface but reading her weblog reveals a very real person in there. In fact I was pretty impressed at her honesty after being blinded by the glitzy images in the book.
The raw food thing is quite timely for me. Already I’ve started to increase my raw food intake, which hasn’t been hard, since I did the whole raw thing in my lat 20’s (and felt incredible) and my diet has remained very simple since then.
Looking back I wonder why I took up cooked food again – but I guess it doesn’t matter…Now is all that counts.

Now is very interesting.

Over the past 18 months my life has undergone a process of gradual but total deconstruction of every part that made up the whole.
And I now have the wonderful opportunity to recreate it, a new, improved vision is emerging. The details I'm working out look something like this:
- An increase in raw food intake to 80-90% over the next few weeks (this morning in the supermarket I even resisted buying the usual croissants and lavash bread – yippee)- Only organic foods and absolutely nothing packaged in YUK plastic
- Freshly prepared vegetable juice and a fresh in-season salad for dinner
- A new yoga practice resurrected out of the dead one
- And I WILL get up early each morning to do yoga because the raw food diet will have me so energised and positive that getting up at 6am will become easy again.
- And matters of spirit shall be informing all areas of my daily life

Given that the cells in our body are completely renewed/replaced every seven years, maybe I’ll be reborn luminous somewhere in my early fifties.
The idea of finally taking control of my life, living on my own terms, saying no to society’s warped expectations and false values is now my reality. I’m fully prepared to live a life where my choices truly reflect my spiritual values and the journey which is the ultimate experiment, is shared only with my co-creator.


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