26 April 2011

The moth

Mark is still with me.

I lay in bed last night, the room held just short of total black darkness by the few rays of moonlight filtering through the top of my window.
As I lay motionless, listening to silence, a familiar other-worldly feeling descends upon me and begins to take over - my body begins to shimmer.

Mark is visiting again.

The shimmer intensifies, my energy field is rapidly altering.
Reminding myself to remain calm, I observe the change, willingly participating in whatever is happening, allowing myself to be taken...my cells begin to sparkle.
A million bubbles of joy flood through me, I smile and cry feeling his love, a love so intense that it allows him to traverse dimensions, to be with me. His energy field meshes with mine and my body is flooded with an ethereal energy tuning me up to a super-sonic frequency so we can be reunited in an other-worldly resonance.

I try to stay calm within the rapture, and from deep within my translucent heart I welcome him back and tell him how much I still love him. It is my timeless soul that is communicating with him, not the personality I have assumed in this lifetime.
He squeezes me tightly from the inside, feeling and sharing all my sadness, joy, grief, love, gratitude, wonder...

How can this be...am I imagining all this?
Is it a clever delusion I am fabricating and participating in to fill an emotional void?
Is the mind so powerful that it can create this kind of paranormal activity and virtual reality?

I lay in bed telling myself this is not a movie I'm watching, this is real life.
A real person died, a real person that I loved deeply and shared an extraordinary bond with, a human being who loved me so much that he drank himself to death over four desperate days in a traumatised emotional state of separation.


He moved from this lifetime and this reality to somewhere else.
And right now he is in an alternate reality, another dimension, and he exists in another form which my limited brain can not even imagine.

I lay in bed, vibrantly alive between parallel realities, experiencing Mark's presence, not as a separate entity in the room but as a highly charged vibrational energy that enters and fills me.

Again I ask myself...am I creating this, imagining this?

I ask for a sign from Mark. A sign that will prove beyond doubt that I'm not delusional.
I wait, in the dark, electrified, mystified, on the edge of either a breakthrough or a let down.
Am I mad to ask for proof? Does it even matter whether this experience is real or imagined?

Suddenly there is a faint tapping on my pillow.
It couldn't be the cat or I would feel movement of the paw steps.
The tapping turns to fluttering and a moth rises like a phoenix from the darkness. It came from nowhere. It flies around my head for an entire minute, batting its wings heavily in a mad flutter to find its way. I am stunned. I hope it doesn't crash land into my face.
The flurry and purr of its beating wings mirrors my heartbeat, my energy field, my longing...
Then all returns to a dark, eerie silence.
The moth has completely vanished.

What to make of that?
Can the disembodied manufacture such occurances? Do they have that power?

Being a natural skeptic I believe nothing until I experience it, and this may possibly prevent me from receiving the extraordinary messages and secrets that are all around me.
For many of us, the mantra is "Seeing is believing".
But then there's the other way: "Believing is seeing".
Perhaps we must first believe before we can see and experience the metaphysical, the supernatural, otherworldly beings, God....

Is Mark still here, still around me in some other form, some other dimension, some other vibrational field that I'm unable to comprehend?
More and more I believe that Mark exists in my heart, not as a memory but as an actual fragment of his eternal self through which he continues to connect with me.


Remembering something about moths as omens of death, I googled the symbolism of this sweet, maligned little insect and found this today:

In superstition: A white moth is said to embody the soul of a loved one. White being the symbolic color of purity of the soul, and the embodiment comes from an ancient idea that the night (realm of the moth) is a dwelling place for souls (in terms of the Underworld or Otherworld).

Some countrys believe that White Moths are souls of lost people seeking the way to heaven, Black Moths are evil omens, and if one flies into your face means that a letter is on the way to you.