22 February 2011

Black Hole

A messy week of workplace insanity and domestic instability, AND I’ve had a slight head cold.
My son and I swapped houses for 4 days – the inside of his house is being painted and he didn’t want to stay there with the painters all day.
I’ve been in his house for 4 days now. There’s nothing in it except one bed and 4 painters.
I am camping.
The painters finish today so my son and I will move all our belongings back into our own houses this evening. It’s unavoidable but I’ll miss Darrin’s yoga class tonight (after buying a 10 class pass last week).
My life feels slippery, I have no ground to stand on, and I don’t mind it at all.

Speaking of camping, I’m heading off to Pondilowie again this weekend - leaving Friday morning (I'm taking an annual leave day from work) and returning Sunday evening.
Three days in a tent, and the weather will be warm…perfect.
Already this weekend trip feels completely different to the one I did last month – my mind state is different. Mark’s death is receding rapidly into the distant past and the emotional intensity is seeping away with it.
Or perhaps that’s not the case, perhaps I’ve been kept so distracted by work and the avalanche of daily life commitments that I haven’t had any mental space to think about it.
Is that a good thing? I don’t know.

Three days camping alone on the sand dunes - a pause – an opportunity to catch my breath, to exhale fully and expel accumulated mental waste, time to inhale new inspiration and to breathe open the expanding black hole created by the Love-Death lesson of my life.


The Domestic Yogi said...

So happy to hear you will be camping again. Many blessings.
p.s. I sent you an email a while back, hope you got it (spam filters these days). Blessings.

nobodhi said...

I'm so sorry I didn't get your email (I would have replied). I do get a lot of spam at that email address so I may have accidentally deleted it. Humble apologies....

The Domestic Yogi said...

I resent just now to your yahoo email...

nobodhi said...

Very strange, the email isn't in the yahoo Inbox or the Spam folder.
You could try sending it to my other account sallycentral@hotmail.com
But I won't get it until Monday as I'm offline now and off into the wilderness.

Sarah said...

i love that your friday begins while i am still living in thursday. you will return and i will still be somewhere else.

and what a strange place i will be. i just agreed to establish hospice care for my mom, not knowing if she will awake tomorrow and eat blueberries and take her meds, or remain in the vast space of her inner demented wanderings, refusing food and medications... at least i will be visiting her to see how it goes, at least for a few of her hours. who knows how many there are for any of us. then back to a life i live somewhere else.

enjoy your landscape life, your skyday and tentroof morning light, your night sounds and wafting evening breezes. perhaps i'll be there somewhere in the bushes quietly peeling bark.

nobodhi said...

Thanks for your email Samantha, I finally got it.
And Sarah, your words are so poetically beautiful and descriptive of my experience...skyday, tentroof morning light, wafting evening breezes...were you there with me?
I hope your mum settles in easily for you.