It's a warm morning but still dark outside.
Driving through the city streets to Kosta's early morning led yoga class, my gut wants me to turn around, drive home and snuggle back under the covers.
Light shades of anxiety wash through me, I feel the tightening of my solar plexus.
Where is this coming from?
I try to dig down through the layers of negative thoughts, to locate the underlying fear.
This is good, I'm still driving in the right direction.
I haven't given in.
It's no big deal really. I get to the led class, and all fear disappears.
We chant the Gayatri Mantra, my Oms are superficial and end too soon.
We do surya namsaskars, I step instead of jump.
I do Vashistasana A twice, instead of trying Vashistasana B.
I modify Parivritta Parsvakonasana.
Bakasana is not too bad, but no way can I engage my core to move into a 3 point headstand today.
Kosta sneaked in Mayurasana (left), a surprise pose today.
I balance shakily for a few moments.
(It looks like on of my teachers, David Roche, in the image)
The other balancing poses bring me joy today: Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana, Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana, Ardha Chandrasana...expressions of poise, simplicity, purity and elegance.
And then we do Handstands, not to the wall but free balancing at the end of our mats.
I kick up and for a few moments I am so perfectly balanced that time stops still - I have slipped inside of two moments and in there...is eternity.
And then we do Urdhva Dhanurasana, three times, and Viparitta Dandasana (left). With each back arch every part of my being opens up to the world, exposed and unafraid.
Rip open my heart and I'll tear open yours.
Back arches light the fire.
After class I change clothes, walk out of the magical studio into the morning sun, and head straight off, transformed again, into another work day.