30 December 2010

My first laptop

I took this screen photo today with my new AppleMac Pro.
My very own laptop...and my first smile for nearly two weeks.

Up til now, I’ve only had computer access at work and have never wanted to have a computer at home.

Mark had an AppleMac Pro which he’d left at my house; it was still on when I returned home from the retreat. His death was a tragic accident, it shouldn’t have happened.
I finally returned Mark’s laptop to his dad yesterday after buying my own, exactly the same model, and only after transferring all Mark’s files and photos onto mine.

The image on my desktop screen is the one of Mark sitting at my table working on his laptop.
I sit here now, in the same chair, working on the same laptop, the image on the screen a direct portal between the dimensions that separate us.
Past, present and future collapse into Now.
We are one, bound together through time by this image. We sit within each other on this chair, in front of these windows, and he watches over my shoulder.
Soft morning light filters in with the warm breeze.

Not only do I have a new toy to explore, I also have all of Mark’s photos and videos on it to watch over and over again. Having my own laptop means I can write and blog whenever I want, instead of staying back after work to write up blog notes and access the internet.


Krishna said...

Dear Friend

After a long time I looked at ur blog to check for updates and was shocked to know about the perosnal tragedy in your life while u were doing a Vipassana retreat .I do not know how to console u .But I do suggest that u continue to keep blogging / writing on a personal note book journal as a form of Catharsis .This is the only suggestion I have for u right now .Blogging / Journaling apart from your yoga practice will itself help you give inner strength and clarity to face the future .I wound suggest that you buy the book "Journal to the Self: Twenty-Two Paths to Personal Growth - Open the Door to Self-Understanding by Writing, Reading, and Creating a Journal of Your Life by Kathleen Adams " to help u understand how to make Journaling a therapeutic tool .I have used and still using that book and find it very excellent . Take Care .My prayers and best wishes are with u .

greenfrog said...

still with you

nobodhi said...

Krishna, thank you for your sincere advice, I've done so much writing over the last 2 weeks and it has helped enormously. I'll look into the book you've suggested.

Still with you too Sean, the connection is real. And like you I'm finding that although I'm not free of pain, I too can be free in pain...bless you for your words of wisdom.