I packed all the camping gear and food in up my car last night and settled into bed around 10.30pm. The alarm woke me at 5am. All I had to do was have a quick shower, get in the car and head off. I turned off the alarm, and laid in bed, wide awake. Rain was pouring down outside.
There and then, I changed my mind about camping.
I got up, had coffee and unpacked the car.
The weather is dismal this weekend, wind and rain. I guess that was the major factor in my decision to postpone the camping trip though being confined to a tent when its raining and wild outside actually isn't so bad - I think it was more the thought of arriving at the campsite and trying to put up the tent in torrential rain that deterred me. This is a fine example of mental sabotage because I may have arrived at the campsite under clear skies.
Perhaps there were enough other little factors in the equation to help to tip the scales:
1) The onset of a heavy menstrual period yesterday which was making me feel inert and female. Replacing the urge to 'pack up and get away on an adventure' was a more compelling urge to be 'quietly nurtured in a safe environment' - I blame hormonal fluctuations and testosterone deficiency today. Hormones can influence us in very primal ways.
2) Another factor is that the round trip to the camping site is 9 hours - 4.5 hours each way - equivalent to my entire Monday off work.
Is it worth it? Most of the time, yes!
But with rain pouring down outside and blood pouring forth from the inside, the answer today was no!
Family and friends expected me to be away and uncontactable this weekend and I didn't bother to call them and tell them otherwise. Instead I'm using the solitude at home as a semi retreat (and a 'female' nurturing spirit weekend).
By the after noon the rain had eased off a little. Reminiscing over the magical times I've had in that tent I feel disappointed with my change of plans. A big part of me needed to be out in the bush. I'll have to work up the courage to negotiate another long weekend with my new boss.